Maybe I'm just codependent . . .

Throughout the process of deciding to work in an official capacity with my denomination again I've been working through some ambivalence. There are some strong points to what this collection of churches does . . . and there are some very serious weak points. I've lost count of the number of church planters and leaders I've met that used to be in my denomination but bailed out because of those weak points. It seems more often than not that it's just not worth it.

I admit that a good lot of the time I feel the same way. But I keep coming back. It's usually because I'll run into someone who represents a glimmer of hope for change. My experience is that there are some who are gifted and persistent and open enough to change that they'll lead a charge in a good direction. Unfortunately, they tend to get bogged down in the system sooner or later and the end result is something less than hoped for.

In my current situation, I've run into a group that is actively looking for change, but they're not really trying to change the whole system. They just want to do what they do sort of below the radar. They keep a high enough profile to continue to engage the system at necessarily levels, but little more. There may come a time when they are forced to work through the system, but they're hoping to hold that off as long as possible.

Me? I want to do some things that would be radical enough to get fired in about 98% of the rest of the denomination. Funny thing is, I'm not even all that radical. And if I end up doing something that's radical enough to get me fired even here, then at least I'll know where I stand. I'm very content to be a fringe guy. It's just been a process of realizing that whether fringe or not, I'll be working for the system again. Not all bad, not all good.