I spent an hour in a pastor's prayer group this morning and said nothing. One of the pastors said on the way out, "You need to share more." All I could say at the time was that there will be a day. I believe that was of God.

There will be a day when I speak. But I won't speak prematurely. I won't speak presumptuously. I will speak when the time comes . . . but I have a clear sense that when I speak, I will be heard. Not because I will have profound words, but because I will speak when the Spirit of God has given me something to say.

I am somewhere between prophetic and arrogant right now. Prophetic in the sense that I have the vision to surpass the men I currently submit to. Arrogant in the sense that I risk being prideful about it. If God graces me with effectiveness in my ministry, it will be on His terms, not mine. This will happen only through a humble heart that is bent on His glory.

I'm looking forward to some vacation time. At the end of this week, I'll go away and get some time to clear my head. I want to spend some time just listening to God and His ideas for me in ministry. I don't want to superimpose my thoughts and understanding, or even my interpretation of where God has already led me. I just want to listen, write, and let it sink in. Granted, I'd love to come back with a crystal clear view of where God wants me to be, and how I'm supposed to get there. I know better than that, though.

If I am to begin a postmodern church within the environment of a modern one, what are the structural boundaries that need to be set? Do any need to be set? How can I develop and implement new values and directions without direspecting and disengaging from the current ones? How can I act in love toward the guardians of the past and the shapers of the future?

Going to a student ministries conference with a bunch of energetic students today. From what I hear, it'll be a loud, immature spiritual pep rally. That's o.k. if you're 12-17 I guess . . . what I can't understand is why all the 35-40 year old chaperones are so excited about it. For some of them, they truly enjoy watching the kids get excited about the things of God. For others, they actually get a spiritual buzz off of it themselves. Why they don't see right through the music, lights, drama, and hype to what God is up to at a deeper level is beyond me. I'm glad they enjoy it and get closer to God because of it, but really, there ought to be more depth in their own walks with God so that they don't need the hype. I guarantee that I get as amped about my relationship with my Creator just by opening my Bible every day as some of them will at this staged event.

My job is to communicate to even these people that there's more to this spiritual life we're in. It's for real, and it lasts a heckuva lot longer than a two day conference.

Just met with an honest disciple looking for a relevant way of living out what he believes. He wants to lead, but is having trouble getting people to follow. He insists on having as biblical a worldview as possible, but I have to wonder if he has a worldview at all. He sees the Bible as living and active, but he doesn't seem to see the world as it truly is.

Can he make the connection with his world? Can I make the connection with mine? Only if we see the world and see the Bible in an integrated whole.

I'm looking at sanctification today. This word encourages me and it challenges me. It sometimes confuses me. But ultimately, it saves me. Hebrews 10 says that in Christ, I have been perfected forever. His sacrifice - one time for all time - was all that was necessary, even though I'm still in a process. I falter in this because when I come face to face with all of my imperfection, indeed the desire for imperfection, it's hard to relate to the concept of having already been pefected. That's the scandal of Jesus. Jesus is God. And yet He came to earth and lived a perfect life, only to die for the sins of those who didn't deserve it. By doing that, He was done. My eternal fate and destiny were provided for long before I set foot on His creation. God is eternal, and knew ahead of time. That's why the sacrifice of Jesus had to be once and for all.

Living this out is tricky to be sure. I abuse the gift with great frequency. I deliberately pusue selfish pleasure simply because I know that in eternal terms, by the blood of Christ, I can get away with it. I do this less and less as the Holy Spirit works in me and grows me up, but the fact is I do it. I'm a cheater, but even for that, I've been forgiven.

Aaahh, grace.

What does it mean to be a Spirit Farmer? Just that I have a responsibility to cultivate others in their relationship with God. I cannot manufacture the seeds. All I can do is plant, water, fertilize and nurture. God will cause the growth, and God will harvest the produce in due time.

What does it mean to pay the rent? I was told that in order to have the opportunity to pursue a new and better form of ministry that I had to do it in addition to "paying the rent" by trying to resurrect forms of ministry that have not been working for years. I'm not bothered by this . . . it's just that if I'm supposed to pay the rent, then perhaps I should be paying for a better apartment. The retort, of course, is that I am responsible to make it a better apartment. While this may be true in some regards, I'm not sure whether paying the rent for a building infested with termites is a good value.

I may be in final preparation for a work in the church that has taken almost a year to see the fruit of. There is still much to do before going public, and my prayer must continue. I'm beginning to see the support people fall into place. More importantly, I've seen the structural factors that signal the need for change begin to take shape. This may just be a wild ride, but one I'm happy to take. It's going to have to be a God thing or it won't work out.

New avenues and new doorways opening up to me for ministry. God is ready to move . . . I am still being prepared. Thankfully, others are joining in the process of preparation and are catching the vision for what could be. I'm not sure what the future will look like, but I see it changing in a direction that will make life rock.

Starting a new week is always fun. After a busy Sunday at church, meeting with people and in worship services, my head is always a bit muddy - moving in many directions at once.

I have begun blogging as a result of reading some posts from a couple of guys . . . Andrew Jones and Jordan Cooper. If either of you happens to see this, I thank you. I'm glad I found you guys on TheOoze and NextWave.

I'm moving in a good direction this week. Looking forward to big things ahead.

Here's a test run . . . my first blog. Oooohhh, so exciting. Maybe someday I'll actually get good at this.