I had a good yesterday talk with my favorite person in the world, Michelle. It was a painful one in some ways, but very helpful. I had gotten off the phone with one of the leaders in our church who had commented that he had thougt I was angry during a meeting on Sunday. I didn't remember having been angry, but it did cause me to do some thinking. As I talked with Michelle, I realized how easy it has become for me to allow my frustration with church and all the things that aren't working there to degrade into impatience with people (all people, not just the ones I disagree with), and irritability. I also realized how reactive I've become, and how dark my outlook has become in some ways.

So, we talked about it, took a two hour nap, and I woke up feeling much much better. Not that everything's fixed, but that God has extended his grace to me in showing me my heart. I am a weak man, vulnerable in many ways.

One of the things I want to be vigilant about is not becoming an "angry young man." My experience in the postmodern Christian community is that there are a healthy amount of reactionary people who bash the church for what it has become. Often this is accompanied by what I consider to be a spiritual pride that they have been the ones to have finally gotten it right. While I do agree heartily that what the church has become is outrageously flawed and built on some foolish principles and philosophies, I don't want to be angry about it. I want to love the church enough to pray for its return to health. I also want to maintain the humility that requires me to understand that even the new streams of church life are flawed and problematic, and that more than anything, we need to keep Christ as the head of the church. There's so much to be excited about in how God is working - I want to celebrate that, whatever form it takes on.