Got back yesterday from the Seed Stories thing. Hmmm, how to describe it? Not a conference, but a dialogue with other church planter types. I'm still swimming in a large ocean of thoughts and questions. Mostly questions. In fact, that may the thing I have taken away from the experience of most value. I know when I return from my vacation I'll be asked what I learned and particularly what I heard from God while I was at Seed stories, but really, it's all a bunch of questions. And that's a cool thing. I feel better about where I am because of the questions. So that's the main thing . . . keep asking questions. Quit trying so hard to find answers to the questions I already have - it's a big waste of time and synaptic energy. In the process of asking more questions, the ones I already have will either get answered or lose their relevance.

Deconstruction . . . of the church, of theology, of worship, of community, of purpose, of leadership, of scripture, of salvation, of culture, of power, of success, of language, of education. What a mess, but a blessed mess.

So my major tasks going forward right now have to do with asking these questions:
What is my place in ministry? Am I a transformer of old thinking or a pioneer of new relationships? What is my vision for church? Church within a church? New church plant? What is the best structure? What are the essential components? How can I truly move forward within the context of Godly wisdom and some hint of sanity? What is my wife's role in my ministry? How will that impact our life together? Since she asked me this morning, it's worth asking - how does all of this affect my perspective on having children? How can I foster a community of critical examination of all of this with friends who can be more than intellectuals (and still be intellectuals)? Is ordination within my present church scenario a desire?

I think I don't really care much about the denominational angle, at least in terms of being an agent of change at that level. I don't think they're going to wake up and smell last year's coffee for a long long long time. They will one day - perhaps only in order to market their wares, but they will. For the next twenty years or so, I'm not too hopeful. And frankly, I'd rather be out helping people connect to God one at a time than connecting to a power structure that will not be of any real benefit to them. However, I will happily make myself available to receive the resources for church planting and growth that my denomination has to offer. I'd be stupid not to.

It'll take lots of time to unpack all of this.